SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP part 3

So far I have identified 2 critical components to spiritual leadership.  The first was to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.  The second was to be a life long learner so that you can stay fresh with what you are teaching to those whom you influence.  The third component that Moses implies in the Deuteronomy 6 passage is that of living an integrated life.

What does this mean?   Moses tells his leaders to make sure that when you sit down, walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you get up you are teaching by example. It is clear that Moses knows that learning is at its best when caught than just taught.

It is obvious that those we influence are consistently watching our lifestyle and behavior.  If our walk doesn't match our talk we nullify our ability to lead.   Followers must see a cohesive message being sent  by those who lead.  That is what I mean by an integrated life.

So the question is this.  Who is looking into your glass house? All of us live in a glass house to those whom we lead.   What do they see?  

So far we see 3 components to spiritual leadership:  Loving, Learning, and Living an integrated life.

Until next time......

SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP Part 2

     Loving God with all our heart soul, mind and strength sets spiritual leadership apart from any other kind of leadership.  We will have the greatest influence in the lives of others if we just start there.  However the second component of spiritual leadership Moses tells the people of Israel is to impress upon the hearts of their children the commandments that were given.  (Deuteronomy 6:7)

The word impress means to sharpen their children.  Leaders are to be like whetstones that hone those under their influence.  Just like sand paper, there are certain grades of whetstones.  The finer the stone the sharper the blade.

What does this imply?  Spiritual leaders should continually be learning and sharpening their own skills so they can "impress" those under their influence.   Life-long learning is critical.  A leader can't take those they lead any further than they have been.

This kind of learning doesn't stop with academics.  It must include learning about ourselves; our strengths and weaknesses and becoming emotionally mature.

The bottom line is this.  Besides loving God with all our heart soul mind and strength there needs to be  a continual learning curve that never stops until we meet Jesus face to face.

SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP part 1

For many years I have heard many women in the church say they wished they had more of a spiritual leader for a husband.  In response to that I have had many men ask me over the years what does a spiritual leader look like?  In the next several blogs I want to address this subject.

First of all, the simplest definition of a leader is "influence".   All of us have a realm of influence.  If we are a father, mother, boss, supervisor, small group leader, teacher, student, all have someone who are watching us and being influenced by us.  So spiritual leadership is not isolated to just men.  We all have to own the message of spiritual leadership.

So what does scripture say to us regarding spiritual leadership? Moses writes to those who lead, in  Deuteronomy 6,  that we should love the Lord our God with all our heart soul mind and strength.  It is easy for some of us to love God partially.  We can love God with our head or we can even perform for God with our strength but if our heart and soul are not in it then it is empty obedience.

The church at Ephesus was at risk of losing their influence for the kingdom because they had lost their first love.  They had their theological thinking in the right place and certainly put their effort into working hard, but they lost their passionate unconditional love for God.

The point is this.  What separates spiritual leadership from any other kind of leadership is the need to be "all in".  There must be a holistic approach to loving God or our spiritual leadership becomes weakened and ineffective.

So when is the last time you told God how much you love Him?   Where has your passion gone?  Has it been stripped away by unconfessed sin.  Has it become calloused and taken for granted because you have known God for a long time?  Is it time to repent and do the things you did when you were first in love.

Heading for Disaster

I recently have finished a book called "Dangerous Calling" by David Paul Tripp.   It is a must read for anybody who is active in ministry.  After being a pastor to pastors for the past 6 years, everything in this book has resonated with my own heart as well as what I have witnessed.  He gives 3 warnings that will lead somebody in ministry to disaster.  The 3 warnings are:

1.  When we allow our ministry to define our identity.  Instead of thinking of ourselves as somebody who needs daily sanctification, still battling with sin we get caught up in the successes and failures that accompany ministry.  When we confuse our identity we have a tendency to talk, eat, and sleep ministry.   This is an enormous temptation for many of us.

2.  When we let Biblical literacy and theological knowledge define our maturity.  It is enormously tempting to define our spiritual maturity by what we know and study academically rather than what we obey or have sift through our hearts.  The apostle Paul said that knowledge can puff up.  Those of us in ministry need to be careful to apply the truth in our own lives first before we dispense it to others.

3.  When we confuse ministry success with God's endorsement of our lifestyle.  Those of us who have enjoyed a certain amount of success on the ministry side might be tempted to think that God must be pleased with every facet of our lives.  When in reality there are many so-called successful pastors who have dysfunctional marriages and abandoned children, as well as other personal issues.  Successful ministry people often are the type A's of this world.  Driven to the distraction of other pressing needs and priorities that resemble a life of integrity.

If you are reading this as a pastor or lay ministry leader, please heed these warnings before your ministry comes crashing down.  

7 Ways to Frustrate Your Followers

If leadership is influence then all us have a responsibility to lead in some capacity.  It may be a parent, boss, supervisor, employer, elder, or pastor.  When Paul wrote in Ephesians, " Fathers do not  exasperate your children," I believe we can apply this principle to all leadership scenarios.  Perhaps it could be translated, "leaders do not exasperate your followers".

The question then becomes, how do we as leaders exasperate our followers?  Let me suggest 7 ways.

1.  When we demonstrate a lack of integrity.  Integrity means to live an integrated life.  Jesus must impact every area of our life.  When it doesn't our followers lose respect.

2.  A lack of humility.  When a leader refuses to be teachable, approachable and admit when they are wrong, followers find themselves isolated, discouraged, and without validation.

3.  Playing favorites.  Nothing discourages followers more or creates jealousy when they see their leader giving preference regardless of ability and performance.  Just ask Joseph's 10 brothers.

4.  Entitlement.  There will always be leaders who demand respect for their position rather than command respect because of their character and competency.

5.  Failure to understand their followers.  Good leaders are good students of their followers.  Nothing discourages followers more than to be unappreciated for their uniqueness.

6.  A lack of consistent boundaries.  Every follower needs to have clear perimeters to function.  A lack of clarity can frustrate any follower.

7. Failure to keep promises.  Leaders who do not follow through or fail to keep their commitments create a lack of trust and cynicism among their followers.

God help us to be better spiritual leaders!

THE POWER OF INFLUENCE

I have recently been reading a book called "People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them The Keys".   There is a section where the author writes about the power of influence.

We all have relationships with people who we would like to see a change take place.  Many of us have heard the line, "You can't change the person but you can change yourself".   While it is true that the Holy Spirit is the one that has the power to change a person's life, we can be used by God to be an influencer.  What does influence mean?  The book has described influence in this way.  "Influence means living a healthy emotional life in close proximity to others.  It means that we intentionally put ourselves in  relationships where we can be life on life with them.  We don't have to have an agenda; we just have to care enough to connect."

Notice the key to being an influencer is developing our own healthy emotional life and secondly being in close proximity to others.  When we are emotionally healthy in the context of relationships our behavior is caught more than taught.  This means we don't have to have an agenda.  We just live our lives in close proximity and people will often adapt to our attitudes and behavior.

Just think how much we have changed in the context of marriage.  Over a period of years the influence of our mates have simply rubbed off on us.

So lets not get hung up on expecting the other person to change and fostering our agendas.  Let's just be emotionally healthy and not be afraid to connect.

DIVINE APPOINTMENTS

Philip the evangelist and deacon had no idea why God asked him to leave a successful ministry in Samaria and travel down a desert road.  Little did he know that God had pre-arranged an opportunity to potentially impact the entire nation of Ethiopia.  ( Acts 8)

As you know the Ethiopian CFO had come from Jerusalem searching for some answers.  He just happened to be stumped over a passage in Isaiah 53.  Philip jumps into his chariot and explains the Gospel to him.  The Eunuch understood and accepted Christ and was immediately baptized.

Some of us would call that some low hanging fruit just waiting to be picked.  Another way to look at it is God designed a divine appointment for Philip.

I believe God still designs divine appointments for all of us if we would be as alert to the voice of God as Philip.

Not only did Philip listen to God, he was willing to run up to the chariot and ask a simple question. Little did he know how open the Ethiopian Eunuch would be.  Not only did he plant the seed he consummated the deal by baptizing him.

I wonder how many opportunities God has prearranged for us that we have missed because we are too preoccupied with our lives?  Or perhaps too chicken to ask a simple question?

I believe there are still many people searching for answers in our culture.  We have it!

Let's all try running up to more chariots.  You never know what impact that one person might have for the His Kingdom.

Keep listening!

BLIND SPOTS

One of the vehicles that I drive has a blind spot that makes it difficult to change lanes.  I can look in the mirror on the passenger side but realize that the objects seen in the mirror appear to be further away then they actually are.   So it is critical before I move to my right that I deliberately look over my shoulder and put on my directional light.   Once I have done that it is safe for me to change lanes.

All of us have blind spots in our lives.  Because of that, we change lanes without realizing that there is impending danger.  Those blind spots may include anger, pride, jealousy, performance issues, and a myriad of others.  Unfortunately many of us just glance in the mirror and assume those dangers appear further away than we think.  The next thing we know we end up in a relational accident and can't understand why.

The sad part is that for those of us who have been driving the longest won't even look in the mirror.  We have done such a great job of rationalizing and compensating that we have become calloused to our blind spots.

Let me remind all of us that we should never stop learning about ourselves.  C. S. Lewis said, "The more we know ourselves the more we can know God."  We should all be life long learners no matter how old we are.  The Apostle Paul said that he hadn't arrived.  Neither have we.

Therefore it is imperative to be asking the right questions of those who know us best, and continually asking God search our hearts to see if there be any wicked way in us.

Until then, SAFE DRIVING! 

DESIRES 6 and 7 Chosen and Included

I have connected these two desires because I believe they have a direct relationship with each other.
We all desire to be chosen.  Reflecting back to my childhood I remember being chosen to be the captain of our safety patrol, or simply when the guys were choosing up teams for a game and I was one of the first to be chosen.  It was also tough however to see how difficult it was for the boys who were chosen last.

"We desire to be chosen by someone to be in a special relationship.  We feel special and accepted.  We feel desired. When we feel chosen and included we create messages about ourselves that are congruent with God's truth about who we are: we are beautiful, we are special, and we are beloved."

On the flip side of being chosen is the need to be included.  All of us need to experience some type of community.  I am reminded that God said, "It is not good for man to be alone."   He created Eve as a helpmate to compliment Adam's aloneness.

Certainly a sense of belonging should start in our family, but the church should be high on the list as well.  There are many seekers out there trying to find a place where they can be accepted and loved for who they are.   While it may be discouraging that 80% of people are not into organized church these days, we do need to be reminded that people are still seeking to be included and accepted.

All of us in the church should feel the enormous responsibility of encouraging people to be included and chosen.  When these two basic desires are met, I believe we will see the back door of our churches closing at a more rapid rate.

TOUCH (5th human desire)

Let me give a quote from the book "7 Basic Desires.  "Jesus demonstrated the healing power of touch.  Jesus reached out and touched a man with leprosy, and the man was healed of it.  Lepers were not to be touched because they were considered unclean. How many of you feel that you are somehow unclean? 


God is, in truth, willing to touch you.  Jesus is touched by a woman who has had a flow of blood for twelve years.  Simply touching the hem of Jesus' garment is enough to heal her. When we seek to touch God and he seeks to touch us, it can be wonderfully healing.  When we touch each other in healthy ways, and when a husband and wife touch each other in non-sexual ways, it can be a wonderful experience of God's healing love." 


There are many of us who were brought up without a lot of affection.  There are some who received the wrong kind of affection.  The bottom line is that God put a desire in all of us for sexual and non-sexual touches.

Let me close with one illustration.  A friend of mine who is a police chaplain was present at the tragic Columbine shootings in Colorado.  Words could not describe the heartache.  Only words could never be enough.  But over the many of hours to follow, there were several officers and firefighters who just came up and touched my friend on the arm.  That is all they needed.  It was like they were tangibly touching God in their moment of sorrow.  Wow!  The power of touch.

Have you touched someone recently with love of God?  When is the last time you hugged your spouse and kids?   Does someone need a healing touch from you?

TO BE SAFE ( 4th human desire)

All of us want to be free from fears and anxieties. We all want to know that we are materially secure--that we have food, and a place to live, and that we will enjoy reasonable good health.  We want to know that we are spiritually safe--that God will keep his promises and not do something that will ultimately harm us. We also need to know that people around us will love us and that we can count on them.  When we feel safe our confidence increases, there is a sense of freedom, and even maybe a desire to take some risks.

The reason that many of us don't feel entirely safe is because our past traumatic experiences can cause us to obsess and worry about what might happen in the future.

So how might a person act who has had a history of feeling unsafe?

- One might be caught up in a frenzy and worry about the littlest things.
- Some people become control freaks, overly protective, or micromanaging.
-  They might get mad at those who don't seem to worry as much as them.
-  Some may manifest it with health issues brought upon by stress.
-  A failure to take any kind of risk, or step out in faith.

The beauty of God creating a desire for us to be safe is that he wants us to rely on Him.
Psalm 55:2 says, "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you."

Jesus says in Matthew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Do you feel the safety of God's arms wrapped around you?

Do those who love and respect you feel safe around you?

The Third Desire: T0 BE BLESSED

So far we have discussed two basic desires.  The first was to be heard and understood and the second was to be affirmed.  While affirming someone encourages others for what they do, the third basic desire is: To Be Blessed.  To be blessed is to let somebody know that you love and appreciate them for just who they are.

When we don't receive affirmations, we can feel guilty about the things we do.  When we don't receive blessings, we can feel shameful about who we are.  Shame is a feeling that I am a mistake not that I just make mistakes.

Those of us that have never received a blessing from our parents or significant others in our lives can go on feeling like we will never measure up or have purpose.  Without blessing we may feel like we are not worthy of even identifying our basic desires, thus taking on a victim mentality, or constantly trying to prove ourselves.

When we feel blessed our self esteem will develop.  We will feel good about who we are and live more confidently in this truth.  God the Father blessed his Son when he was baptized.  He said, "This is my Son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased".  Let me remind us of the fact of God's unconditional love for us.  Thus God is saying to us as his sons and daughters.  "You are my kids whom I love, with whom I am well pleased".

God help us as parents and leaders to pass on those blessings to others.

AFFIRMATION

We began probing into the basic God given desires of every individual.  With each unfulfilled desire comes a vacuum that needs to be filled.  The first was to be heard and understood.  This time is a desire to be affirmed.  


We all long to have parents, friends, teachers, mentors, or bosses in our lives who also notice what we do well. Without these affirmations, we do not learn to feel confident in our talents and abilities.  When there are not only no affirmations but only criticisms, the issue of confidence becomes a crisis for many.

All of us want to know what other people think of us. So our need for affirmation is so great that sometimes we refuse to try new things, because we are afraid we will look foolish and be judged and criticized.   And when we do make mistakes, it can be difficult to talk to people for fear we will be judged.

In the book that I have referred,  (7 Desires) the author states, "Without the safety of knowing that we will be accepted and affirmed despite our mistakes, it can be difficult to ever confess our mistakes to a friend, or to God."

Without affirmation we may become desperate to try anything to get them.  We may work so hard at pleasing others that we wear ourselves out emotionally, creating so much anxiety that is hard to tell people the truth.  The second danger of people desperate for affirmation is to be steeped in perfectionism.  Hoping some day that we will achieve enough to get those kudos we so much desire.

As leaders and pastors, we need to make sure those who we have influence receive the kind of affirmation they deserve.

7 Desires

I have been reading a book called the "7 Desires of the Heart " by Mark and Debra Laaser.  This book describes 7 universal desires that God has created in us.  If any of these desires go unfulfilled we have a tendency to act out in ways that are unhealthy to fulfill those desires.  My next 7 blogs will describe each one and hopefully give you some clues into your own life as to how and why the way you behave as you do.

The first desire is: To be Heard and Understood.   Here are some characteristics of those who have not had this desire met in their life.  1. A tendency to clam up and withdraw.  2.  Often people who yell and scream are really people who are desperate to he heard.  3. People who talk fast and have a lot to say need to get it all in, for fear of losing control of the conversation.  4. Repeating the same thing over and over again. 5. Manifesting unacceptable behavior to get someone's attention.

What are some steps to help us be heard and understood by others?  1. The first step is to listen.  Remember listening is more than understanding facts it is hearing the heart.  2.  Refrain from being defensive and argumentative.  3. Be careful to share what is on your heart in way that is not accusative or offensive.

Remember there is always one person in your life that will always listen and understand.  God is always willing and waiting to hear from us.  No one understand like Jesus.

Emotional Recovery

Whenever there is conflict our emotions have a tendency to get all out of whack.  When there is closure to the conflict there is usually a time of recovery.  Let me once again give you a quote from the book "Firestorm".

"Conflict is a great distorter of emotions.  Part of your recovery will be to get your emotions back into alignment with your faith.  Most inner breakdown comes not from a crisis of theology but of emotional energy.  During the early stages of the conflict, your emotions were manageable, but sustained conflict can send your emotions into surges that seem to be beyond your control."  So what should you do?

1.  Share those emotions with a trusted friend who must have the right to tell you what you need to hear.
They should be able to help you sort out your emotions that can distort reason and result in poor decisions.

2.  Do things that are emotionally simple that provide physical exercise.  Exercise should bring your blood pressure down and decrease the stress.  Don't underestimate the power of physical exercise.

3.  Spending more time in prayer and the Word

4.  Keep from making any serious decisions.  "Emotions can be like children, running in the circuitous frenzy--demanding, crying, pouting, forgiving, then not forgiving."

Making Ideas Happen

Have you been one of those people or on a team where plenty of ideas are presented but there never seems to be execution?  Scott Belsky published a book called "Making Ideas Happen" Here are some tips from his book that may help you or your team follow through.

1. The way you organize projects, prioritize, and manage your energy is arguably more important than the quality of the ideas you wish to pursue.

2. Extremely productive and accomplished people and teams capitalize on the power of community to push their ideas forward.

3. Putting one person in charge of managing next steps tends to not work.  When tasks are written in your own handwriting, in your own idiom, they remain familiar and are more likely to be executed.

4.  You need to say "no" more than you say "yes" and you need to build a team and culture that helps kill ideas when necessary.

5.  The process of creation is deeply consuming and lined with narcissism.  We fall in love with our ideas and become both certain and protective.

6.  Accountability, one of the most crucial benefits of engaging with your community, is what binds you to the relentless pursuit of your ideas.

Let those creative juices flow!  But remember.  The name of the game is execution.

The Power of the Towel

The one thing that divides people in a church, a marriage, or family is a lack of servant leadership.  A servant's heart is the divine requirement for gaining the power of leadership.

I have been reading a wonderful book called "Firestorm".  It is a must read.  In it there is a chapter on servant leadership.  It clearly expresses through the illustration of Jesus washing even his enemy's feet that servant leadership is where the power is.

So what does it take to be a servant leader?

1.  It takes preparation.  Somebody once said that, "Character is the product of a lifetime and not an instant gift."  God teaches us over time that self-effort doesn't cut it.  The only legitimate authority is divinely bestowed.  That can take a lifetime of sifting and shaping.

2. It takes broken boldness.  There is a plaque that says, "No Cross, No Crown".  Before anybody can be exalted to leadership there must be learned obedience through suffering.  Jesus was exalted after he went to the cross.  Boldness is not arrogance.  It is finding the the surety of the Holy Spirit not in yourself.

3. It takes confession and repentance.  A servant leader must always first look within.  We must first defeat satan in our own hearts before we can defeat him in the conflicts of relationships.

Washed any feet lately?

Friendly or Hospitable?

There were many times that I would talk to people who attended our church for the first time who would say that we were a friendly church.  That was really encouraging to me.  However friendly doesn't necessarily mean hospitable.  Romans 12:13 tells us that we are to "practice hospitality".  

Hospitality goes beyond friendliness.  It is a word associated with strangers and extends to us the thought of going beyond a hand shake or a smile.  The good Samaritan demonstrated true hospitality when he went the extra mile, crossing over ethnic barriers.

First the verse tells us to practice hospitality.  That is not a command only for those who are extroverted and are willing to take risks.  In many cases it takes practice.  Some folks are better at it than others, but we all need to work at it.  Remember the saying, "practice makes perfect".

Secondly hospitality means particularly to  those who are new or strangers.  This means getting out of our comfort zone and reaching out to those who are new to our group, not in our same social strata, or ethnic mix.  There is nothing more debilitating than to go to a church and see all the cliques enjoying one another and sending a message to an outsider that they don't fit in.

So many churches complain about the revolving door syndrome.  People come and they go.  Why don't they stay?  I wonder if it is a lack of hospitality.

Maybe if the church would stop being just friendly and everyone took hospitality seriously, we might stop the revolving door?

How about next Sunday you get out of your comfort zone and invite a stranger in your church out for lunch?

RELIGIOUS FOG

How much of Evangelical Christianity is merely a religious fog?   There seems to be a mist out there that is difficult for those who are trying to navigate through life.  I wonder as Christians how much we have contributed to the spiritual dew point.  Unfortunately we have often substituted Christian culture for real Christianity.  Evangelical Christianity can be cloaked in its own language with religious talk and religious activity.  Good intentioned believers who could never take their message into a hostile or secular arena.

So how does this religious fog happen?  John Eldridge writes in his book "Beautiful Outlaw" about how the religious is operating.  I will list those areas where we have a tendency to pull out the fog machine.

1. We live a clean life, attend church faithfully and are considered to be good Christians but fail to really fall in love with Jesus.

2. Knowing about God is substituted for knowing God.  Many worship at the altar of knowledge assuming knowledge alone transforms hearts.

3.  Active service is confused with commitment to Christ.  If we are only busy doing for Christ we may miss knowing Christ.

4.  The holiness of God is taught by making Him unknowable or untouchable.  God becomes just a philosophical, intellectual, existential, and an aloof being, instead of a personal approachable and intimate God.

5.  Holiness is substituted with rule-keeping.  This is sort of a technical righteousness based on external expectations rather than internal convictions. We are so worried about what others think we fail to take a risk.

These kinds of behaviors can inoculate people against Jesus.  Certainly Jesus broke the mold.  Maybe we should?

Loneliness

There is no doubt that all of us periodically struggle with loneliness.  It is a simple fact that comes with human existence.  To be missed, or misunderstood. to be judged unfairly. To be wanted for what you can do, rather than who you are. To go on for years unappreciated, even unknown by those closest to you.

For those of us in any leadership capacity, we run the risk of being lonely with greater frequency.  The saying that, "It's lonely at the top", is really true.  I am reminded of the time when Jesus expressed his frustration with Philip in John 14.  Philip said, Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us." Jesus answered: "Don"t you know me Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time?"
This is such a microcausm of what Jesus dealt with all the way to the cross.  Even his 3 closest friends couldn't stay awake with him in Gethsemene.  Imagine living your entire life in a world where the people closest to you don't get you.

What I have had to learn in my own life is this.  When I am feeling the most misunderstood and lonely, I have learned to take advantage of those times to draw closer to the one who does really understand.  Loneliness is a test of whether we really mean what we say when we call Jesus our best friend.

"EQ"?

What does "EQ" stand for?  Emotinal Quotient.   After being in full time ministry for the past 40 years I have discovered that most conflict in the church is a result of a low emotional quotient.  To put it in another way; emotional immaturity is usually at the core of every conflict.  It never ceases to amaze me how so-called Spirit filled people can't resolve differences in a mature matter.  Pride and insecurities of some sort are usually the culprits.

Pride refuses to listen and validate.  It is unapproachable, and lacks vulnerability.  It can't say I'm sorry.  It has to be in control and must win at all cost.  However pride can be a smoke screen for some insecurity. It has been said that some prideful people are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.  For whatever reason,  it gets in the way of harmony in relationships.

On the other hand there are several causes of conflict that are precipitated by various fears.  Fear of failure, fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of exposure. The list could go on.

So what should be the basis of a healthy "EQ" ?  The very core of a healthy "EQ" should be a healthy humility.  But how do you know if you are on the right track to a healthy humility?  Let me suggest several qualities that need to be present:

1.  A healthy intropspection.  We must not be afraid to ask God and others to search our hearts.  Most low "EQ's" have blind spots that go undetected.

2.  A  healthy understanding of the unconditinal love of Jesus.  This fosters an attitude of nothing to prove and nothing to lose.  This can alleivate our insecurities.

3.  A healthy perspective on empowerment.  Truly humble people have no problem releasing control and seeing others succeed.

4.  A healthy track record of personal transformation.  If we are not becoming more Christlike day by day then we are not allowing God to change us.

Roadblocks to Intimacy

I have been reading a book called "Achieving High Performance Friendships" by John Vawter and Jim Wetherbe.  It was written primarily for male friendships however, there was a portion of the book that spoke to me regarding the roadblocks to intimacy that I would like to share.

1. Belligerent and argumentative--Some men simply refuse to be corrected or even consider they might be able to improve on something they are doing. Often the response is being being belligerent and argumentative rather than considering what their friend has to say.

2. Always correct or subtle arrogance-- Some men always have to be right-regardless of the subject.
(the foremost authority syndrome). These people have really no interest in what others are thinking.

3.  Passive aggressive-- Some men are deflective and refuse to talk about anything of significance.  The are very skillful at avoiding any talk that would get close to their deepest emotion or allow anyone to get close to them.

4.  Shop talk-- For some men, the extent of their conversation is professional or ministerial shop talk, primarily about their work or hobbies.  They seem incapable of talking about love for their wives or kids, their fears for the future or what is on the inside.  It is hard to be intimate with such people,

Being in leadership is lonely enough without these roadblocks to intimacy.  I trust you are not guilty of these barriers, because God designed all of us to have intimate relationships.

CHARACTER REFLECTIONS part 3

So far I have shared 7 great principles of leadership that represent godly character.  Let me finish this series with a final 3

A critical ingredient for a leader with character is the following: to be calm, loyal, prudent and discerning.   Most followers do not have much confidence in a leader who is high strung, too excitable, and can't control their emotions.  Nobody wants to have to walk on egg shells around a reactionary leader.
Imagine working for a leader who may turn on us with an unprovoked attack.

The next reflection of godly character is to hire well, communicate clearly, and trust the people they are over to achieve results.   Leaders who cannot do this have a tendency to micromanage and send the message of distrust.  When it comes to communicating the leader must paint a compelling vision and mission that captures the heart of the one they have hired.  This also includes the defining of measurements of performance, and the tactics and strategies to achieve desired results.

Finally a leader with character will balance concern for the welfare of his employees with the need to achieve positive results.  Every leader must be concerned about the desired results yet that also needs to be balanced with care for the people working for them.  Results will often be high is the morale in the organization is high.

In conclusion we can see these characteristics a work in progress in all of us.

Let me again give credit to Gayle Beebe  (President of Westmont College) who has brilliantly put these principles in print.

CHARACTER REFLECTIONS Part 2

I will share with you 4 more reflections that identify godly character in a leader.

The effective leader works with respect and understanding for each member of the team or organization.  One of the greatest signs of godly character is a person who is willing to identify, develop, and celebrate the gifts of those who work for you.  This requires confidence and acceptance in your own gifts and abilities.  If you can't, your insecurities will shine through and frustrate those on your team.

Secondly, a leader with character works for the greater good of the organization.  Instead of using the position to promote themselves, leaders with character are more concerned about the interests of the organization.  The most satisfying work will be to promote something bigger than ourselves.

Thirdly, a leader who reflects character is temperate in all matters.  A leader who demonstrates moderation in all things, including a lack of retaliation when attacked, over reacting, and rash responses.
Maintaining composure in all circumstances is critical to a leader's credibility.

(Just a side note regarding this issue)  I was told early on in my ministry to pray every day for beauty and balance in my life.  This advice speaks to this third reflection.

Finally the leader who reflects character must balance a confidence in their ability with humility in their approach.   An effective leader should have low ego needs and find their greatest satisfaction in leading toward successful results.  Being confident in your ability but humble in your approach requires that you learn to celebrate the gifts of those around you recognizing that things could change at any time.

CHARACTER REFLECTIONS

In a recent article written by Gayle D. Beebe, who is the president of Westmont College, there were some really great insights regarding the essential qualities that reflect our character.  For the next several blogs I would like to amplify those.

The first is a leader who leads from a foundation of integrity.  Essentially this means being true to our word and avoiding any kind of false appearances.  Because a leader's life is always on display, people can be intrusive and critical.  We can either embrace that fact or resent it.  If we embrace it, we live a life above board and above reproach.  If we resent it we can resort to our privacy and perhaps send the wrong messages.

The second characteristic of somebody who has great character is relational competency.  Often times we get jobs and have responsibility because of our technical competence.  Our technical abilities can take us so far, but if we can't foster emotionally mature relationships that are meaningful we can find ourselves isolated and misunderstood.  The higher we go in any organization the more we have to work through people.  That is why people skills are so essential.

The third characteristic of somebody with great character is the ability to absorb and undo the evil of others.  Attacks and criticism are inevitable in any organization.  It is critical for a leader to be able to sift through what is true and what isn't.   A person with great character should be emotionally mature enough to discern the real issues at stake and try to remove the personal side of things.

Until next time.  How do you stack up against these first 3?

SPIRITUAL BOLEMICS

It is my fear that all too many of us who prepare Bible studies or sermons have a propensity to jump the gun when it comes to our own transformation.  What do I mean by this?

How often have you studied a passage and prepared a talk and found it hugely stimulating.  Stimulating because it really will resonate with those who will listen.  In fact it is so stimulating, that you binge on it for several hours.  It is like you have just eaten a delicious meal.  You have gorged yourself with God's finest cuisine.

The problem all too often is that we can't wait to throw it up.  We get so excited to share it that we forget to let it digest into our own heart.  We fool ourselves into thinking that just because we have studied, that somehow it has taken root into our lives.

The bigger problem is that we are misleading those who are listening.  They see this lean and mean Bible teacher on the outside, but who is really starving on the inside.  So we go on living this secret lifestyle where no personal transformation has taken place.

God told Joshua not to let the book of the law depart from his mouth but to also meditate on it day and night.  Meditate means to ruminate.  This means to chew on it over and over and then make sure your swallow.

Vulnerability

Let me begin with a quote from a great book called "Getting Naked" by Patrick Lencioni.
"Vulnerability.  It is one of the most undervalued and misunderstood of all human qualities.
Without the willingness to be vulnerable, we will not build deep and lasting relationships in life.  That's because there is no better way to earn a person's trust than by putting ourselves in a position of unprotected weakness and demonstrating that we believe they will support us.  Yet society encourages us to avoid vulnerability, to always project strength, confidence, and poise.  Although this is certainly advisable in some situations in life, when tit comes to  important, ongoing relationships, it stifles our ability to build trust."

In order for us to be vulnerable as ministry we must get over 3 basic fears:  The first is the fear of losing people.  We are often afraid if we show weakness that people will not follow us.  On the contrary people respect honest humility.

Secondly there is always a fear of being embarrassed.  None of us like to make mistakes but it is always better to admit them and take responsibility for them.  I don't know about you, but I have great respect for those who are willing to admit they messed up rather than covering it up or blaming somebody else.

Finally the fear of feeling inferior.  None of us like to admit that we don't have all the answers, especially when people are counting on us for advice.  Unfortunately we are all too often concerned about protecting our intellectual pride and maintaining our social status.

Why do I bring this up?  Too many pastors and leaders are insecure enough not to make themselves vulnerable, when in reality we can best emulate Jesus when those opportunities confront us.

After all didn't almighty God become a man?