We began probing into the basic God given desires of every individual. With each unfulfilled desire comes a vacuum that needs to be filled. The first was to be heard and understood. This time is a desire to be affirmed.
We all long to have parents, friends, teachers, mentors, or bosses in our lives who also notice what we do well. Without these affirmations, we do not learn to feel confident in our talents and abilities. When there are not only no affirmations but only criticisms, the issue of confidence becomes a crisis for many.
All of us want to know what other people think of us. So our need for affirmation is so great that sometimes we refuse to try new things, because we are afraid we will look foolish and be judged and criticized. And when we do make mistakes, it can be difficult to talk to people for fear we will be judged.
In the book that I have referred, (7 Desires) the author states, "Without the safety of knowing that we will be accepted and affirmed despite our mistakes, it can be difficult to ever confess our mistakes to a friend, or to God."
Without affirmation we may become desperate to try anything to get them. We may work so hard at pleasing others that we wear ourselves out emotionally, creating so much anxiety that is hard to tell people the truth. The second danger of people desperate for affirmation is to be steeped in perfectionism. Hoping some day that we will achieve enough to get those kudos we so much desire.
As leaders and pastors, we need to make sure those who we have influence receive the kind of affirmation they deserve.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
7 Desires
I have been reading a book called the "7 Desires of the Heart " by Mark and Debra Laaser. This book describes 7 universal desires that God has created in us. If any of these desires go unfulfilled we have a tendency to act out in ways that are unhealthy to fulfill those desires. My next 7 blogs will describe each one and hopefully give you some clues into your own life as to how and why the way you behave as you do.
The first desire is: To be Heard and Understood. Here are some characteristics of those who have not had this desire met in their life. 1. A tendency to clam up and withdraw. 2. Often people who yell and scream are really people who are desperate to he heard. 3. People who talk fast and have a lot to say need to get it all in, for fear of losing control of the conversation. 4. Repeating the same thing over and over again. 5. Manifesting unacceptable behavior to get someone's attention.
What are some steps to help us be heard and understood by others? 1. The first step is to listen. Remember listening is more than understanding facts it is hearing the heart. 2. Refrain from being defensive and argumentative. 3. Be careful to share what is on your heart in way that is not accusative or offensive.
Remember there is always one person in your life that will always listen and understand. God is always willing and waiting to hear from us. No one understand like Jesus.
The first desire is: To be Heard and Understood. Here are some characteristics of those who have not had this desire met in their life. 1. A tendency to clam up and withdraw. 2. Often people who yell and scream are really people who are desperate to he heard. 3. People who talk fast and have a lot to say need to get it all in, for fear of losing control of the conversation. 4. Repeating the same thing over and over again. 5. Manifesting unacceptable behavior to get someone's attention.
What are some steps to help us be heard and understood by others? 1. The first step is to listen. Remember listening is more than understanding facts it is hearing the heart. 2. Refrain from being defensive and argumentative. 3. Be careful to share what is on your heart in way that is not accusative or offensive.
Remember there is always one person in your life that will always listen and understand. God is always willing and waiting to hear from us. No one understand like Jesus.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Emotional Recovery
Whenever there is conflict our emotions have a tendency to get all out of whack. When there is closure to the conflict there is usually a time of recovery. Let me once again give you a quote from the book "Firestorm".
"Conflict is a great distorter of emotions. Part of your recovery will be to get your emotions back into alignment with your faith. Most inner breakdown comes not from a crisis of theology but of emotional energy. During the early stages of the conflict, your emotions were manageable, but sustained conflict can send your emotions into surges that seem to be beyond your control." So what should you do?
1. Share those emotions with a trusted friend who must have the right to tell you what you need to hear.
They should be able to help you sort out your emotions that can distort reason and result in poor decisions.
2. Do things that are emotionally simple that provide physical exercise. Exercise should bring your blood pressure down and decrease the stress. Don't underestimate the power of physical exercise.
3. Spending more time in prayer and the Word
4. Keep from making any serious decisions. "Emotions can be like children, running in the circuitous frenzy--demanding, crying, pouting, forgiving, then not forgiving."
"Conflict is a great distorter of emotions. Part of your recovery will be to get your emotions back into alignment with your faith. Most inner breakdown comes not from a crisis of theology but of emotional energy. During the early stages of the conflict, your emotions were manageable, but sustained conflict can send your emotions into surges that seem to be beyond your control." So what should you do?
1. Share those emotions with a trusted friend who must have the right to tell you what you need to hear.
They should be able to help you sort out your emotions that can distort reason and result in poor decisions.
2. Do things that are emotionally simple that provide physical exercise. Exercise should bring your blood pressure down and decrease the stress. Don't underestimate the power of physical exercise.
3. Spending more time in prayer and the Word
4. Keep from making any serious decisions. "Emotions can be like children, running in the circuitous frenzy--demanding, crying, pouting, forgiving, then not forgiving."
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