"EQ"?

What does "EQ" stand for?  Emotinal Quotient.   After being in full time ministry for the past 40 years I have discovered that most conflict in the church is a result of a low emotional quotient.  To put it in another way; emotional immaturity is usually at the core of every conflict.  It never ceases to amaze me how so-called Spirit filled people can't resolve differences in a mature matter.  Pride and insecurities of some sort are usually the culprits.

Pride refuses to listen and validate.  It is unapproachable, and lacks vulnerability.  It can't say I'm sorry.  It has to be in control and must win at all cost.  However pride can be a smoke screen for some insecurity. It has been said that some prideful people are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.  For whatever reason,  it gets in the way of harmony in relationships.

On the other hand there are several causes of conflict that are precipitated by various fears.  Fear of failure, fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of exposure. The list could go on.

So what should be the basis of a healthy "EQ" ?  The very core of a healthy "EQ" should be a healthy humility.  But how do you know if you are on the right track to a healthy humility?  Let me suggest several qualities that need to be present:

1.  A healthy intropspection.  We must not be afraid to ask God and others to search our hearts.  Most low "EQ's" have blind spots that go undetected.

2.  A  healthy understanding of the unconditinal love of Jesus.  This fosters an attitude of nothing to prove and nothing to lose.  This can alleivate our insecurities.

3.  A healthy perspective on empowerment.  Truly humble people have no problem releasing control and seeing others succeed.

4.  A healthy track record of personal transformation.  If we are not becoming more Christlike day by day then we are not allowing God to change us.

Roadblocks to Intimacy

I have been reading a book called "Achieving High Performance Friendships" by John Vawter and Jim Wetherbe.  It was written primarily for male friendships however, there was a portion of the book that spoke to me regarding the roadblocks to intimacy that I would like to share.

1. Belligerent and argumentative--Some men simply refuse to be corrected or even consider they might be able to improve on something they are doing. Often the response is being being belligerent and argumentative rather than considering what their friend has to say.

2. Always correct or subtle arrogance-- Some men always have to be right-regardless of the subject.
(the foremost authority syndrome). These people have really no interest in what others are thinking.

3.  Passive aggressive-- Some men are deflective and refuse to talk about anything of significance.  The are very skillful at avoiding any talk that would get close to their deepest emotion or allow anyone to get close to them.

4.  Shop talk-- For some men, the extent of their conversation is professional or ministerial shop talk, primarily about their work or hobbies.  They seem incapable of talking about love for their wives or kids, their fears for the future or what is on the inside.  It is hard to be intimate with such people,

Being in leadership is lonely enough without these roadblocks to intimacy.  I trust you are not guilty of these barriers, because God designed all of us to have intimate relationships.