FAMILIY TIED

In a recent meeting with some pastors one of the guys asked if anybody was dealing with their kids suffering from the "PK" syndrome.

The discussion was broken down into 3 categories: Do pastor's kid live under the undue expectations of their parents, the people of the local church, or are they self inflicted?

The results of that discussion were pretty profound.

1. We should ask our kids if they feel any pressure living in the home of the pastor. This question should be visited occasionally to give the family an opportunity to air out potential frustration.

2. As pastor parents we need to make sure the family is not getting our leftovers. If the church becomes a blockage to family intimacy the family will resent the church.

3. It is critical that we have freedom to be ourselves as parents so the kids see that the church is not dictating our behavior but God is.

4. Holy living is not an option for anybody who claims to be a Christian. In a sense we all live in glass houses.

5. We should be careful not to over legislate our teenagers lives who are beginning to pull away and establishing their own identity as believers.

6. Any discipline we may apply should be designed to bear the fruit of righteousness in their lives not protect our reputation.

7. Take advantage of having a flexible schedule so that you can be involved in your kid's events.

8. Be a student of your kids. Each temperament is unique and may respond differently to your expectations, the church folks, or their own.

Hopefully these responses will be helpful on your journey with family ties.

4.

MOTIVE

Motive is something that gets below the surface of ones being. If I had to define it differently from Webster it would be the "real" part of our being. The part that gets to the intent of our heart.

We have used the terms pure motives, mixed motives, and hidden motives to evaluate the "whys" behind someone's behavior.

I have discovered in my own life how easy it is to judge somebody's intent with these terms. Even though scripture tells us that man looks at the outer appearance but God looks at the heart, we insist on doing God's job at times.

Maybe we should spend more time examining our own motives. David prayed that God would search his own heart to see if there would be any wicked intent. That takes a lot of honesty and vulnerability to say that to God.

The apostle Paul wrote in II Corinthians 1:12 Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to the God's grace.

What is your boast? Have you recently done an honest examination of your motives in your ministry ? If so, do they come up pure, mixed, or hidden? God knows.

5 Marks of Interpersonal Integrity

In a recent book I have been reading by Daniel Henderson, called "Defying Gravity" he describes 5 marks of "Interpersonal Integrity. They were so good and convicting I wanted to pass them on to you.

1. Healthy speech. When we are away from a person, we speak well of the individual. There is no slander or gossip

2. Good deeds. We display good behavior to individuals, even when their actions show indifference or hostility toward us. Instead of feeling bitter or wanting to pay back a perceived or real injustice, we show them respect and teat them with kind deeds.

3. Attuned ears. We are selective in what we listen to about others. If someone would complain or gossip about another, we refuse to believe anything negative about the person (unless the evidence of multiple witnesses confirms it.).

4. Proper evaluation. We always need to be seeking God's evaluation and perspective of others no matter how man may see them.

5. Reliable words. People can count on our word as being realiable; our statements reflect a commitment to the truth.

Thanks to Daniel for these reminders.