GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Recently one of our pastors in a large church on the east coast committed suicide.  How could a tragedy like this happen?

Someone once said that the distance between expectations and reality is defined by stress.  
Ministry leaders live under the heavy weight of multiple expectations by those they lead as well as self-inflicted expectations.  This is a very dangerous combination.  Let's just call it a double whammy.

When expectations are not being met there are two ways to handle them.  The first is try to meet them all and thus become a disappointment to many and even to oneself.  This can cause overwhelming guilt to mount up.  Once that happens the leader can try to fake it until they make it, trying  to hide their inadequacies and faults and pretend that they have it together.  This is a very dangerous place to be, because sooner or later reality will catch up.  When that happens, it can be devastating to the one hiding and to those who have been fooled.  This way of handling expectations can even lead to a vulnerable person to suicide.  Rather than be found out as a fraud, it is easier to escape by taking one's own life.

The second way to handle these expectations is a much healthier way to deal with them.  It starts with by having an authentic and transparent relationship with someone you can trust to love you and tell you the truth.  Unfortunately too many leaders live in isolation from that kind of accountability.  Along with this, a leader must find ways to de-stress.   This means taking days off, setting boundaries, understanding their limits, and proper exercise and rest.

If you are suffering from great expectations, I encourage you to begin getting in touch with reality sooner than later.